le Ladies and Gentlemen – this is a box. It might be an hour of work. It functions just fine. It gets the job done, and it will last forever. I can put it in my garage, or my basement if I had one – but it can never go in my wife’s family room.
This is also a box. It’s basically the first box plus 12 hours of sanding and sealing, sanding and staining, sanding and staining again, sanding and varnishing, sanding and varnishing again, and again, and again. And to be honest with you, it needs about 3 more cycles of that. But this can go in my living room.
That’s the difference between before Toastmasters, and after Toastmasters.
Every role filled, every speech given, every contest entered, every evaluation presented, every TLI session heard, or given, is another stroke of the sandpaper – another coat of varnish, another bit of polish that differentiates a functional speaker, from an artist – and that my friend is why you are here.
Opening
A toast to the toastmaster – the rookie breaking the ice; the future DTM checking off a box; the cheapskate deciding whether he needs to pay a whole 60 dollars to join a second club; the VPM walking yet another person through filling out a membership form; the VPE explaining yet again what a pathway is; the VPPR explaining yet again the difference between What’s App, Group-me, and Let’s meet.
The 6 AM aspirant squeezing a meeting in before the start of the workday;
The noonday manager, evaluating a speech while eating a box lunch;
The weekend warrior trying to figure out how to get to a club meeting between soccer games, basketball games, boy scout meetings, and music recitals;
Body
Here’s to the Grammarians who like to grammarize, and be grammerly, in their grammerituidy – who are now cringing at the 3 nonsense words that I just made up.
Here’s to the ah-counters who hear a bell go off in their heads every time Barrack says ahhhh – let me be clear.
Here’s to the VPE’s, VPPR’s, and VPM’s who are part of the trilateral commission that secretly rules the world.
Here’s to the Advanced Communicators – Bronze, Silver, and Gold who all have classifications that no one under the age of 60 remembers.
Here’s to the DTMs who all say Don’t Test Me, Don’t Time Me, and Don’t Tempt Me to speak because I will talk all day.
Here’s to the Evaluators who tell you that everything there was great buuuut – you can work on this one small thing.
Here’s to the Posture monitors telling us all to “use more of the space”
Here’s to all the veterans telling us to P – O – P,, or to pause,, on,, purpose
Here’s to all the DL5, EC5, EH5, IP5, LD5, MS5, PI5, PM5, SR5, TC5, VC5’s who are going to get that DTM project done as soon as they get a round tuit
Here’s to all the club treasurers who haven’t had to do anything since they figured out how to click – “Self-pay”
Here’s to all the Contest Chairs who secured, one Contest master, 2 Timers, 2 Ballot Counters, 2 Sargeants at arms, 3 judges, and a dozen donuts – to introduce me as the only speaker in the competition on that day
Here’s to all the contest organizers who answered the question, “What’s the difference between Tall Tales and humorous speech again?”
Here’s to all the Presidents who thought – “Oh snap – I ‘ve got to submit a club success plan tomorrow – how do I change the date on that last one again?”
Here’s to all the experienced Secretaries explaining to a new club president – what a Club Success Plan is;
Here’s to all the VPE’s trying to explain to me again, how to set up a Google doc;
Here’s to everyone who now instinctively sees a red light shine every 2 minutes, or 3, minutes, or 7 minutes whenever anyone in a meeting goes on too long.
Here’s to every Toastmasters parent who resisted the urge to correct their teenage child when they, “um, you know what I’m saying, I mean, right, like, ah, so, and but, and or”
Here’s to every evaluator who wanted to scream – “Conjunction junction – and, but and or will get you pretty far”
In the mornings when I’m usually wide awake, I like to take a walk through the garden and down by the lake, where I often see a duck and a drake; and I wonder as I walk by just what they’d say if they could speak, although I know that’s an absurd thought.
Here’s to the SAA moving chairs, carrying supplies, and ordering ribbons;
Here’s to all the trophy shops across America finding new styles to show 1st place 2nd place and 3rd place in a fashion that makes grown men and women smile like little leaguers after the championship game;
Heading
Ladies and Gentlemen – this is a box. It might be an hour of work. It functions just fine. It gets the job done, and it will last forever. I can put it in my garage, or my basement if I had one – but it can never go in my wife’s family room.
This is also a box. It’s basically the first box plus 12 hours of sanding and sealing, sanding and staining, sanding and staining again, sanding and varnishing, sanding and varnishing again, and again, and again. And to be honest with you, it needs about 3 more cycles of that. But this can go in my living room.
That’s the difference between before Toastmasters, and after Toastmasters.
Every role filled, every speech given, every contest entered, every evaluation presented, every TLI session heard, or given, is another stroke of the sandpaper – another coat of varnish, another bit of polish that differentiates a functional speaker, from an artist – and that my friend is why you are here.
